Seize an Opportunity to Fail

Day of Reckoning

My life felt like the Eagle’s song “Life in the Fast Lane.” I married the beauty queen, raised a good son, worked hard, achieved financial success, and was rewarded with recognition, compensation, prestige, and promotions. I had great houses, great cars, great clubs, and great friends. I gave back to my church and community, but most important to me was the fact that I was respected. Then, in one brief moment most of it was gone, at least the tangible things that I used as the measurement sticks.

There were signs long before I crashed that I wasn’t happy. I resented it when my managers came to me for answers instead of bringing me the solution. I resented my wife for wanting more time from me when it took all I had to run the business because I was doing my job and other peoples. Meanwhile, my son needed my help and my guidance because he was struggling to find his way. I even resented me when I would reach a milestone and then not be satisfied or able to enjoy it because I told myself that I must go forward – to the next goal, and the next goal, and the next goal.

I was unhappy, but how could that be? Hadn’t I achieved more than I ever expected? I built a company from scratch starting in my garage in 1997 that quickly grew from two to 50 employees and multi-million dollars in revenues. We provided services for banks on mergers and acquisitions. The largest banks such as Bank of America and Wells Fargo were my clients. Then, in 2010, I experienced one of those life-changing moments. U.S. Secretary of the Treasury Geithner said there would be no more mergers among the big banks. My business model depended on mergers. I had very few people to turn to for advice. Then Vistage, the leader in executive peer advisory, found me and I became a member alongside a trusted group of non-competing CEOs and business owners in my hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina.

Darkest Before the Dawn

When I joined Vistage, I was determined to fight my way through and save my company. It was traumatic to think about closing what had been my baby for 14 years. However, it didn’t take long for my fellow members and Chair (leader of my group) to see there wasn’t something to fight through. My Vistage group helped me see that shuttering was the right decision, cope with the things I needed to do, and provided the emotional support during such a difficult transition. I closed my company in 2011 after a perfect storm of bad timing, bad economy, and bad planning.

With the end of my business came personal bankruptcy. I lost all the public-facing things – my money, my big house, my fancy cars, and my club memberships. More importantly, I lost my self-worth. Suddenly, I was “damaged goods” and that was the hardest part. It would be difficult to describe what I went through, but I can tell you it was the blackest hole I have ever experienced – every negative, bad, and harmful thought that accompanies great stress.

One of the most difficult phases was losing some of my best “friends.” When the money was gone, it was disheartening to see the rats leave the sinking ship. But there were a few who stood by me, propped me up, and consoled me, and most importantly began to challenge me to get back up and start living again. They were my lifeguards saving me from drowning in the depths of despair.

Road to Redemption

Not long after I exited my Vistage group, they called me to ask if I’d like to be a Chair. I said to them, “I can’t lead fellow executives when my company failed. I’m damaged goods.” My confidence was shot. I couldn’t shake the feelings of disappointment. What Vistage kept saying to me was, “You’re wrong. You had an experience that you’ll work really hard to make sure none of your members ever encounter themselves or get that far down the road.” Vistage helped me see what I viewed as a huge personal disaster was a public service announcement that could help a lot of people. That was the fuel I needed to keep going.

I slowly started putting the pieces back together again, but in a totally different shape. It wouldn’t be Humpty Dumpty, but a totally new egg with gutsy spirit.

A few things became crystal clear after I leaned into the lessons that emerged after failing:

Refocus on my talents. Becoming a Vistage Chair helped me feel in control, powerful, abundant, and HAPPY again. I discovered my gift of coaching and it changed my life – kicking off a fruitful partnership with Vistage that has lasted over seven years. I find so much joy in helping members of my group take courageous, thoughtful steps just as they did for me when I needed it most.

Cherish the importance of balance. I finally had a handle on the one thing in my life I felt was always out of control – my time. I decided to be more selective with “me” to others. It is important for all of us to do activities that are satisfying to us. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that recognizes our own needs.

Prioritize inner satisfaction and content. It’s not about how much money we have, how many awards we get, how big our company is, or which model car we’re thinking about buying. It comes down to us – and how we feel about ourselves. Always trying to please people has a great cost if you are not doing it from a place of inner peace. It is doing because you can, not because you should.

Don’t wallow in challenges – embrace them. There are going to be ups and downs along the way, but it’s how we respond and maneuver those roadblocks that determine our success or failure. When I encounter a challenge, I’ve trained my mind to think of it as an opportunity instead. I also make a point to talk and be open about my struggles. The more people talk, the more everyone realizes these are experiences that are shared.

I rode up the hill, did really well, and then had the experience of tumbling back down. I lived through so much – losing my company, my home, my friends, my self-respect – and came out the other side happier. Failure was one of the best things to ever happen to me because it led to my greatest success – I opened my own consultancy, built two Vistage groups and am launching a third because people value what I do as an executive coach, facilitator, and mentor.

If you’re not sure what your next right move should be, need help navigating a setback, or don’t believe in yourself, let’s talk. I can connect you with my Vistage groups or one near your hometown. There is incredible power in seizing an opportunity to fail.

About the Author: I draw from a background in corporate and private business to help fellow executives realize their potential as people and as leaders. I can be reached Tom.Grogan@VistageChair.com.